Mary is recognized internationally as an award-winning social entrepreneur, educator, author, child advocate and parenting expert, whose programs are informed by empathy. In 1996 she created the Roots of Empathy program, which is now offered in many countries, and in 2005 she created the Seeds of Empathy program for 3- to 5-year-olds in childcare. She is also the founder of Canada’s first and largest school-based Parenting and Family Literacy Centers. Mary speaks and consults to governments, educational organizations, and public institutions, including the World Health Organization, the Skoll World Forum, and the United Nations.

MARY-GORDON.jpg

Mary Gordon

Roots of empathy - part 2

<h4>MARY GORDON was interviewed by JUDITH NELSON at the Spirit of Humanity Forum in Iceland in 2019. In part 1 she shares her worldview on the importance of empathy in human relationships and how it forms the foundation for the program she runs in schools on developing empathy in schoolchildren, called Roots of Empathy.</h4>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;Q: Thanks for joining me Mary. Can I ask you first about empathy, as your work is especially with empathy? Can you tell me a bit more about your work?MG: Well, my understanding of empathy is the ability to feel with the other person, not just to understand how they feel, but also to have the capacity to feel with them. And I think that empathy is the number one attribute of being human, and we have too little of it in the world, and it’s a shrinking commodity. But I also focus on empathy because when you have cruelty, when you have racism, when you have violence, when you have genocides, when you have any of the big horrific things in the world, the common ingredient is the absence of empathy.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Empathy develops&nbsp;in the first year of life, in the loving relationship between parents and babies.</h5><hr>My work is informed by that conclusion, which I came to a long time ago, and also the conclusion that empathy develops in the first year of life, in the loving relationship between parents and babies. And so, our work is about increasing empathy in childhood. And we do that by bringing the relationship between parents and babies, during the first year of the child’s life, into the classroom.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Roots_of_empathy2_7fe9cc1956.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:39:30.402Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-1">The Roots of Empathy program has the schoolchildren sit around a green blanket, with the mother and baby and an instructor. There is a curriculum, which the children don’t see, but which informs what goes on. And the children are coached to observe the baby’s intentions, and the baby’s feelings. We’re talking about a two-to-four-month-old baby who can’t walk, can’t talk, but can communicate hugely, bringing parents to tears, and bringing them to their knees. They can really communicate! So, as the children come to understand how the baby feels, they learn the vocabulary of their own emotions. And it’s the job of the Roots of Empathy instructor to ask the children, “When was a time you felt like the baby?”The program has twenty-seven classes over the school year.The parent and baby come once a month. There is a week beforehand to prepare, and then there is a week of reflection afterwards. There are different curricula for different ages of children. It is quite remarkable how the children increase their empathy. We have a lot of research that shows when empathy goes up aggression goes down, and prosocial behavior goes up. We want children to be kind, to be considerate, to be collaborative, to be caring, and that’s what the Roots of Empathy children are.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">We want children to be kind, to be considerate,&nbsp;to be collaborative, to be caring, and that’s what the Roots of Empathy children are.</h5><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Roots_of_empathy3_e6905abf31.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:40:19.977Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-1">Q: You’re here at the Forum, and the topic this time round is really about harmony. Is there a relationship between empathy and harmony?MG: Well, harmony is such a beautiful word. Harmony has a musical reference, but really, it’s a symbiotic word. The whole universe is in harmony and it’s in equilibrium. When a newborn baby is born, she or he is discombobulated, and has to seek through the parent (through the mother usually) a way to integrate all of their feelings, and to become in harmony, and to become attuned to the parent. And in the work of Roots of Empathy, the symbiotic relationship with the parent is called an attunement – the attachment and attunement of the parent to the baby. Here we’re talking about harmony – one to the other, and to the universe, and to concepts of peace. So, I really like the term “harmony.”When you reflect and listen to birdsong, and listen to the rustle of leaves, or the waves in the ocean, you can very easily adjust your heartbeat and adjust your whole sensibility to be in harmony with nature. We do that more readily than being in harmony with the world.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">If you don’t love yourself, and if you don’t have empathy for yourself, you don’t have the ability to love others or to have empathy for others.</h5><hr>Q: If you were to ask yourself what children need in today’s world to help them develop the values that are embodied by the Forum, what would you say?MG: I think the values embodied by the Forum are basic human values: The recognition and inalienable rights of people, human dignity, participation. People who come here typically share a purpose. They might have different avenues, but there is a common denominator of peaceful coexistence on many levels, and, in the Roots of Empathy work, we’re really helping children find a sense of balance in their lives. Number one is that they respect and love themselves, have self-empathy. Because, if you don’t love yourself, and if you don’t have empathy for yourself, you don’t have the ability to love others or to have empathy for others. The problem with the absence of empathy in the world, the decline of empathy, as it can be a generational thing, is that if a little baby is not parented empathically, and if the parent is unable to understand and attune to the baby’s needs, the child doesn’t develop the capacity to attune to the needs of others, to have empathy.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">It’s almost as if empathy&nbsp;is the “cure all,” the secret sauce of life.</h5><hr><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Roots_of_empathy4_d66a44e4da.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:41:09.241Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-1">So, really, Roots of Empathy is about breaking cycles of violence and inadequate parenting. And I think the basic human trait that we need in the world is empathy. If you have that, honesty emerges out of it, respect emerges out of it. When we say to the little children in the Roots of Empathy classroom, “So, when baby Henri grows up and comes to school, what would you think if people say ‘You can’t play’?” the children are horrified that anyone would be mean to their little baby. They all fall in love with the baby, and they see the vulnerability and humanity in the baby. During that year, they come to find their own vulnerability and their own humanity, and also their strength. And then they see the strength in humanity and in others.It’s almost as if empathy is the “cure all,” the secret sauce of life. If we can just empathize, it’s a little bit like the golden rule: If you understand how someone is going to feel, why would you hurt them, why would you exclude them, why would you say you’re somehow less human than I am? It removes the possibility of dehumanizing one another and hiving people off and saying “Your difference makes you unacceptable.” We celebrate difference in Roots of Empathy, and it’s not visual, it’s not the typical differences of culture and language, of size, or whatever.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Roots_of_empathy5_740fc84c0d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:41:48.248Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-1"><hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">When we think about the traits and qualities we need in growing up, I think we really need a lot of selflove, giving us the capacity to love others.</h5><hr>We talk about the difference in our innate temperament; that a baby comes to the world with a predisposition to see that world in many ways. Some babies are very intense and emotionally reactive. It’s very hard to parent a baby who’s very intense. In the classroom, it’s very hard to teach a child who’s very intense, because they are super reactive. They have temper tantrums; when they are disappointed they have a big reaction. But, if the little baby has a big reaction, nobody says, “You’re a bad baby.” Nobody says, “Go to your room.” Everyone helps the baby learn to deal with the big feelings, and what that does is soften everybody to realize, “Wow, I am like the little baby, too. It’s not a moral flaw if I’m very emotionally reactive. It’s who I am.” And the job of teachers and parents and mentors is to help children recognize who they are, and help them to live in the world that is. It is not to squash them, but to help them understand their reactions. So, when we think about the traits and qualities we need in growing up, I think we really need a lot of self-love, giving us the capacity to love others.<h5><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Roots_of_empathy6_178211c432.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T14:42:34.946Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-1"></h5>to be continued<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by JUDITH NELSON</h4><hr>

Roots of empathy - part 1

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<h4>
 MARY GORDON was interviewed by
 JUDITH NELSON at the Spirit of Humanity Forum in Iceland in 2019. In this excerpt, she
 shares her worldview on the importance of empathy in human relationships and
 how it forms the foundation for the program she runs in schools on developing
 empathy in schoolchildren, called Roots of Empathy.
</h4>
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 Q: Thanks for joining me, Mary. Can I ask you about empathy, as your work
 is especially with empathy?
 


 MG: Well, my understanding of empathy is
 the ability to feel with the other person, not just to understand how they
 feel, but also to have the capacity to feel with them. And I think that
 empathy is the number one attribute of being human, and we have too little of
 it in the world, and it’s a shrinking commodity. But I also focus on empathy
 because when you have cruelty, when you have racism, when you have violence,
 when you have genocides, when you have any of the big horrific things in the
 world, the common ingredient is the absence of empathy.


 My work is informed by that conclusion, which I came to a long time ago, and
 also the conclusion that empathy develops in the first year of life, in the
 loving relationship between parents and babies. And so, our work is about
 increasing empathy in childhood. And we do that by bringing the relationship
 between parents and babies, during the first year of the child’s life, into
 the classroom. The Roots of Empathy program has the schoolchildren
 sit around a green blanket, with the mother and baby and an instructor. There
 is a curriculum, which the children don’t see, but which informs what goes on.
 And the children are coached to observe the baby’s intentions, and the baby’s
 feelings. We’re talking about a two-to-four-month-old baby who can’t walk,
 can’t talk, but can communicate hugely, bringing parents to tears,
 and bringing them to their knees. They can really communicate! So, as the
 children come to understand how the baby feels, they learn the vocabulary of
 their own emotions. And it’s the job of the
 Roots of Empathy instructor to ask the children, “When was a time you
 felt like the baby?”

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img alt="roots-of-empathy2-mary-gordan2" class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/roots_of_empathy2_mary_gordan2_0d092095a6.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T13:43:31.280Z" />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />
<h5 style="text-align: center">
 We want children to be kind, to be considerate,
 to be collaborative, 
 to be caring, and that’s what 
 the Roots of Empathy children are.
</h5>

<hr />
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 … There are different curricula for different ages of children. It is quite
 remarkable how the children increase their empathy. We have a lot of research
 that shows when empathy goes up aggression goes down, and prosocial behavior
 goes up. We want children to be kind, to be considerate, to be collaborative,
 to be caring, and that’s what the Roots of Empathy children are.


 Q: Is there a relationship between empathy and harmony?


 MG: Well, harmony is such a beautiful
 word. Harmony has a musical reference, but really it’s a symbiotic word. The
 whole universe is in harmony and it’s in equilibrium. When a newborn baby is
 born, she or he is discombobulated, and has to seek through the parent
 (through the mother usually) a way to integrate all of their feelings, and to
 become attuned to the parent. And in the work of Roots of Empathy, the
 symbiotic relationship with the parent is called an attunement – the
 attachment and attunement of the parent to the baby. Here we’re talking about
 harmony – one to the other, and to the universe, and to concepts of peace. So,
 I really like the term “harmony.”


 When you reflect and listen to birdsong, and listen to the rustle of leaves,
 or the waves in the ocean, you can very easily adjust your heartbeat and
 adjust your whole sensibility to be in harmony with nature. We do that more
 readily than being in harmony with the world.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img alt="roots-of-empathy3" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/roots_of_empathy3_7a181d1514.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T13:43:30.942Z" />

&nbsp;
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 In the work of Roots of Empathy, 
 the symbiotic relationship 
 with the parent is called an attunement – 
 the attachment and attunement 
 of the parent to the baby. 
 Here we’re talking about harmony – 
 one to the other, and to the universe, 
 and to concepts of peace
</h4>

<hr />
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 Q: If you were to ask yourself what children need in today’s world to help
 them develop values, what would you say?


 MG: I think they are basic human values:
 The recognition and inalienable rights of people, human dignity,
 participation. People who come here typically share a purpose.


 They might have different avenues, but there is a common denominator of
 peaceful coexistence on many levels, and, in the Roots of Empathy work, we’re
 really helping children find a sense of balance in their lives. Number one is
 that they respect and love themselves, have self-empathy. Because, if you
 don’t love yourself, and if you don’t have empathy for yourself, you don’t
 have the ability to love others or to have empathy for others. The problem
 with the absence of empathy in the world, the decline of empathy, which can be
 a generational thing, is that if a little baby is not parented empathically,
 and if the parent is unable to understand and attune to the baby’s needs, the
 child doesn’t develop the capacity to attune to the needs of others, to have
 empathy.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />
<img alt="roots-of-empathy4" class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/roots_of_empathy4_a466714801.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T13:43:31.290Z" />
&nbsp;
<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 … And I think the basic human trait that we need in the world is empathy. If
 you have that, honesty emerges out of it, respect emerges out of it. When we
 say to the little children in the Roots of Empathy classroom, “So, when baby
 Henri grows up and comes to school, what would you think if people say ‘You
 can’t play’?” the children in class are horrified that anyone would be mean to
 their little baby. They all fall in love with the baby, and they see the
 vulnerability and humanity in the baby. During that year, they come to find
 their own vulnerability and their own humanity, and also their strength. And
 then they see the strength in humanity and in others.


 It’s almost as if empathy is the “cure all,” the secret sauce of life. If we
 can just empathize, it’s a little bit like the Golden Rule: If you understand
 how someone is going to feel, why would you hurt them, why would you exclude
 them, why would you say you’re somehow less human than I am? It removes the
 possibility of dehumanizing one another and hiving people off and saying,
 “Your difference makes you unacceptable.” We celebrate difference in
 Roots of Empathy, and it’s not visual, it’s not the typical
 differences of culture and language, of size, or whatever.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 <img alt="roots-of-empathy5" class="w-100 lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/roots_of_empathy5_3c54506c25.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-11T13:43:31.186Z" />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

 We talk about the difference in our innate temperament; that a baby comes to
 the world with a predisposition to see that world in many ways. Some babies
 are very intense and emotionally reactive. It’s very hard to parent a baby
 who’s very intense. In the classroom, it’s very hard to teach a child who’s
 very intense, because they are super reactive. They have temper tantrums; when
 they are disappointed they have a big reaction. But, if the little baby has a
 big reaction, nobody says, “You’re a bad baby.” Nobody says, “Go to your
 room.” Everyone helps the baby learn to deal with the big feelings, and what
 that does is soften everybody to realize, “Wow, I am like the little baby,
 too. It’s not a moral flaw if I’m very emotionally reactive. It’s who I am.”
 And the job of teachers and parents and mentors is to help children recognize
 who they are, and help them to live in the world that is. It is not to squash
 them, but to help them understand their reactions. So, when we think about the
 traits and qualities we need in growing up, I think we really need a lot of
 self-love, giving us the capacity to love others.

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />
<h4 style="text-align: center">
 Interviewed by JUDITH NELSON 
 Illustrations by ARATI SHEDDE
</h4>

<hr />

Roots of empathy

<h4>This is the final part of MARY GORDON’s interview with JUDITH NELSON at the Spirit of Humanity Forum in Iceland in 2019. Mary speaks about the role of educators, and the emotional life of children. She provides an inspirational focus for educators regarding the educational priorities that are needed for a future humanity.</h4><hr>MG:&nbsp;In Roots of Empathy, we measure what we treasure, and we treasure children’s emotional lives. We don’t care what they know, we care what they feel: it’s important to let children tell you how they feel. The emotional life of the child is their real life, because in a baby’s brain emotions and cognition are inextricably linked; you can’t tease them apart. And, as children grow older, while the sections of the brain deal differently with emotion and cognition, there is a direct relationship between our emotions and what we pay attention to.We completely pay attention to our emotions. If you’ve got a negative emotion happening, you can’t learn. In order to learn, you have to make sure that your emotions are positive. That’s why we ask, “How are you feeling today?” We don’t try to change what they feel, but it is like embedded professional development for the classroom teacher when our person comes in and says, “Good morning kids.” This is for the pre- or post-family visit, not when the mommy and baby are there, when we’re asking, “How’s the baby feeling?”<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Favorite teachers are not the best teachers,&nbsp; they’re the best “reachers.” They’re the people who get you, they’re the people who knew you were in their class even if you weren’t the smartest student. They appreciated you for who you were.</h5><hr>So, if the kids do this (thumbs up), the teacher can do a quick scan of the room and see that the kids are in good form. But if there are some who do this (thumbs neutral), you really have to consider what’s going on with them, as you can’t teach a child who’s in neutral. If there are a lot of them, you’ve got to pack up your lesson plan and start listening to the children: “So tell me, how was it today on your way to school? Would you like to share with someone how your day is going so far?” And, you know, if you ask authentically, children will tell you authentically.It changes teaching practice when teachers realize that a worried child can’t learn. When they’re sad, sick or lonely, they can’t learn anything. Children who are depressed are sad, sick and lonely. So, this idea of teaching people versus teaching mathematics is an important thing. And what is it to be a person? It is to feel. And if you’re not feeling, you don’t have to be deliriously happy, but you have to be present. There is an armada of broken hearts in every classroom – we know the statistics.Why don’t we realize that we have to start the day checking in with children? You can’t make everything better, but if you can acknowledge how they’re feeling, they already feel ‘felt.’ Favorite teachers are not the best teachers, they’re the best “reachers.” They’re the people who get you, they’re the people who knew you were in their class even if you weren’t the smartest student. They appreciated you for who you were.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/ROE_3_3_c032c3846d.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-17T07:51:01.186Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-3">Education has lost that because we’re into competition. It’s competition for jobs, no? Look at jobs – we’re going to do twenty jobs over a lifetime, so what job? The job is to be a good human being. Actually, it’s important to be happy, as the Dalai Lama would say. Now I’m not saying we should all pack our bags and go off to happy land, but to be a human being is to be able to connect with others. And this crisis of connection we’re in, if we don’t help children identify how they feel so that they can connect to one another, we’ve really missed the boat.I really advocate helping teachers take an approach to teaching that I call “attachment-aware teaching,” realizing that every child in your class has had some kind of secure or insecure attachment. If they have had a secure attachment, they’ll be ready to learn, they’ll be resilient, they’ll deal with the blows in life. If they’ve had ambivalent, avoidant, or other kinds of attachment relationships, they won’t have an innate capacity to deal with the tidal wave of troubles that might come to them.Teachers can have this in the back of their mind, to say to themselves, “Okay,” instead of, “What’s wrong with you?” Children communicate how they’re feeling with their behavior, so if the teacher can just think, “What’s happened to make you so nasty today? What’s happened so you make my life a misery? What’s happened so that you’re disrupting class?” because no child decides to be a “bad actor,” it’s just that they can’t deal with how they feel.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">I think the secret to ending all the “-isms” in the world, the secret to peaceful coexistence, is to be able to see the humanity in the other. And this Spirit of Humanity, this beautiful concept, is based on empathy.</h5><hr>If teachers had insight into the emotional vulnerability of children – just as through the baby and parent relationship we show how a baby becomes who they are – they would realize that it’s through love. Children are predisposed through particular ways of being, but without that reference back and forth to mommy or daddy, they don’t know how to respond. Every time a baby falls down or cries, the first thing they do is look for their mother to see, “How am I doing? Should I be crying, or should I go back and try and walk again?” That’s what a secure attachment relation is – checking in to see, “Am I good to go?”And if nobody gives you that, you never know. So, you have no anchor, you have no security blanket in your life, and the children who are in trouble are those children. The security blanket in life is the attachment relationship, and how many children have no relationship with their parents as they get older? It’s a tragedy.Q: What you describe sounds so much like respecting the individual students’ feelings and noticing them, instead of having education for the sake of the establishment.MG:&nbsp;Yes, and what are the ultimate goals of education? If it’s to produce architects, engineers, doctors etc., if they are without humanity they won’t do a good job. Is it to produce moral human beings who are ready to contribute to life, and who can be mutually respectful and have the capacity to care? The ethic of care is so overlooked.There are two parts to empathy: There’s cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Cognitive empathy is perspective-taking and that’s the first stage of any conflict resolution. If you don’t have that, forget it. Forget peace in the Middle East. But if you don’t have affective empathy, the human part which is our emotions, you don’t really have empathy at all. With cognitive empathy you can still be a sociopath, because you have a skill where you can resonate with the perspective of another person. But if you don’t have the ethic of care, it may be a destructive thing. So many people define empathy as just cognitive empathy, but our definition of empathy is both affective and cognitive together. Very often confused with compassion and sympathy, whereas sympathy is unidimensional, it’s the ability to feel sorry.There’s a lot of divergence of opinion around the relationship between compassion and empathy, and about the definitions of compassion and empathy, so everybody makes them up. I have shared mine, but I don’t think they are any better than others, and certainly there’s no one opinion on it. I do believe, however, that you must have empathy in order to act compassionately. And empathy to me is also a verb. Being an armchair empath is no good at all; there has to be a motor.The beautiful thing about children is that they’re endlessly empathic once they realize that skill of being able to understand how another person feels and to feel with them. It’s a lifelong gift, and it cannot be taught. Everybody thinks you can teach empathy, but you can’t teach empathy. It’s caught, not taught. If you are around people who demonstrate empathy without saying, “This is empathic behavior,” who are just empathic, or if you see examples of kindness in people you love, that’s how you will develop these positive things.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/ROE_3_4_92a21bce82.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-17T07:52:00.780Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-3">You know, there are so many ridiculous things people do, like having flash cards for empathy, or saying, “We’re going to talk about empathy this week.” It’s totally meaningless. It’s better than nothing, I suppose, but the big things in life are not developed through instruction. It’s done by construction – meaningful human construction – not instruction. In fact, there’s very little in life we learn through instruction. It’s only the higher-level things and, basically, those we could probably learn on our own. If you can’t be with someone and learn from someone, you can’t really be a constructive, contributing human being.So, I think our schools really need to shake themselves up and ask, “What are we doing here?” Imagine having the privilege of being with a child five or six hours a day, five days a week. It’s an incredible gift. That’s more than their parents have.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">The beautiful thing about children is that they’re endlessly empathic once they realize that skill of being able to understand how another person feels and to feel with them. It’s a lifelong gift, and it cannot be taught.</h5><hr>I used to be a teacher, and I think we’re highly accountable. It’s the reason why when teachers ask Roots of Empathy into their classroom, I say, “Okay, but we need to do research.” They say, “No, no, we know you’re grand,” but I say, “We need to do research.” Every single person involved with the program, every child who can write, does an evaluation, critiques the program every year; every child, every volunteer mother, every volunteer instructor, and the classroom teacher who hosts it. Then we do formal research, which is the white jacket, peer reviewed, scientific, independent, published research, which tells us if we’re doing what we think we’re doing. But I have to say, what I listen to the deepest is what the children tell us. That’s when I change.We’re always updating our curriculum. Take cyber bullying, for example; if we don’t have cyber bullying in our programs, we’re not addressing the current situation of children, because the landscape of childhood changes all the time. It’s not very good at the minute, but children don’t change; they’ve always been the same. They might sound more sophisticated because they use Elon Musk words like parking cars in space, and all that, but their emotional vulnerability, their essence, the beauty of childhood doesn’t change.Children are under more stress than ever before, and I don’t think we’re listening hard enough to what they are telling us through their behavior. The children who are on Ritalin, for having Attention Deficit Disorder, have been given a prescription so that the adults can keep sane, and it stunts and blunts the children’s growth. A lot of what we’re doing is medicating children instead of changing their environment, because resilience is not about what’s in you, it’s about what’s around you. You can bring it into you, but if it’s not around you how can you become resilient? You’re not born with it, you know.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">I think the trip from the mind to the heart is a short journey, and the fuller the heart the bigger the head.</h5><hr>In many places you’ll hear people say, “Oh, you’ve gotta have grit.” That’s the nastiest four-letter word I’ve ever heard. It’s blaming children for not having grit. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Change the record.” It’s like saying to an abused woman, “Why don’t you just leave? How stupid can you be? Just leave.” It’s not understanding where that person is coming from, not understanding the impact of abuse.And to say to a child who’s been brought up in adversity, who’s witnessed violence at home, “You just have to have grit,” is a denial of the fact that we all have different journeys. And we expect even results, even in kindergarten. Everybody is held to the same measure, but the measure is not the measure of personhood. The measure is something easy to measure, but it’s no measure of humanity, it’s no measure of kindness, it’s no measure of empathy or emotional depth. There’s only the measure of what we’re able to measure.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/ROE_3_5_3058587aec.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-17T07:52:42.174Z" alt="roots-of-empathy-part-3">Who cares if you know your colors, or your 123s, or your ABCs? What you really need when you start kindergarten is to be able to ask for help, to be able to make friends, to be able to learn; and the readiness to learn is grounded in being well-loved.So, what kind of world are we creating? We measure children up, and we put them in categories – “You’re in the Bluebird Group” – and everyone knows that’s the slow readers, right? So, we categorize children without ever really thinking, “Who are these little people?”I just can’t get over the gift that parents give. They deliver their baby, their miracle, and they keep hearing how bad they are at stuff, or how they were acting out, or “You’re not doing a good enough job at home,” all of these kinds of things that instead of building up the family just knock it down. So, I hope educators come to the Spirit of Humanity forum. I hope educators hear about your brand of humanity and realize that if we don’t recognize the humanity of every child in education, we’ve not done our job.Q: Why did you say that Heartfulness is a nice name?MG:&nbsp;I love the word “Heartfulness,” and to call an organization “Heartfulness” is to embody your values, because we’re not just our minds – our hearts inform our minds. And if we don’t have a full heart, we won’t have the full capacity to use our skills and our brains in a constructive way. I think the trip from the mind to the heart is a short journey, and the fuller the heart the bigger the head. So, I just feel it’s such a warm name.The first thing children draw when they learn to draw is hearts. They put hearts everywhere. It’s not just little girls. When they write little love notes – “Daddy I love you” – they draw a heart. Nobody tells them to do that. So, from the youngest age, children draw hearts because we all can relate, and the heart is not just a beating pump, the heart is our humanity, and that’s why I like your name.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by JUDITH NELSON</h4><hr>

Roots of empathy - part 3

Mary helps people create vital spaces full of light. She has worked with leaders in the U.S., the Middle East, and Ireland, and is a chartered architect with more than 25 years engagement experience, 20 years in private practice, and 15 years transformational leadership in architecture, regeneration, heritage, and peace and community building.

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Mary Kerrigan

<h2 style="text-align:center;">OVERCOMING LONELINESS</h2>&nbsp;<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MARY KERRIGAN is a Vital Space Maker. She creates vital spaces full of light, where everyone belongs. An architect-placemaker and conservation specialist, for more than 25 years she has been a leading advocate for cultural and spatial change, active in the most intractable circumstances, to powerful effect. Here, she shares some ideas on how to overcome loneliness.</h4>Courtney and I used to be next-door neighbors in our small adjoining cottages along the side of the country road. Until she and her boyfriend found a bigger apartment nearby.Surprised to see her behind the counter in the village convenience store, I’m curious to learn whether she’s still working in the call center up the road, as she was due to start there after she moved out. “Oh no. I gave up that job. I was fed up with working from home, sitting looking into a computer screen all day, seeing no one,” she says.It got me thinking. The pandemic forced thousands of us into remote working. &nbsp;And there were pluses, no doubt. Released from the grinding daily commute meant more time at home with friends and family, for those who had them.&nbsp;Now it’s a thing, full-time and hybrid. How many of us are spending endless days sitting in our kitchens or bedrooms looking into computer screens? Maybe never seeing a human being from one end of the day to the next – especially if we live alone.<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/its_all_different_now2_3356ea0c5d.jpg"></figure>Maybe never seeing a human being from one end of the day to the next – especially if we live alone. For us introverts, it seems fantastic. No need to give out all our energy in noisy, crowded, open plan offices or turbo-charged conferences.&nbsp;“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” —Brené BrownWhile Teams, Google Meet, and Zoom were undoubted lifelines saving hundreds and thousands from the pain of a total solitary confinement lockdown reality, the truth is, existing primarily in a virtual world is no substitute for IRL, the real deal.A post-pandemic visit to a university friend in Greater London pops into my head. She’s been working for a local authority for years. Covid-19 lands and she’s working from home, five days a week.Things open up. For my friend, that means continuing to work from home four days a week and going into the office every Friday, taking her turn manning her team’s public-facing service. &nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">How many of us are spending endless&nbsp; days sitting in our kitchens or bedrooms&nbsp; looking into computer screens?</h4><hr>Does her day in the office mean she gets to see the rest of her team? Not a bit. They’re either home working or hot-desking on separate floors.Visiting a year later, I’m surprised to learn she’s back working from home again, all five days.A painful knee injury, the result of a momentary biking mishap, and the consequent enforced leg rest means her beloved hiking and yoga are a no-no. She’s not even supposed to walk. Housebound even more.Her parents are, sadly, dead. &nbsp;Apart from an only sibling a good hour away, she has no extended family in the country. That’s a lot of “alone time.”&nbsp;Strikes me that this isn’t living. It’s existing. A lot of suffering. Pain.In 2016, a landmark report commissioned by the British Red Cross and The Co-op found that over 9 million people are affected by loneliness in the UK. That was before we endured the enforced isolation that came with the pandemic.Are you among them, even some of the time? If so, how does that impact you?“Over four decades of research has produced robust evidence that lacking social connection – and in particular, scoring high on measures of social isolation – is associated with a significantly increased risk for early death from all causes.” —2020 Consensus Study, National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine U.S. Surgeon General’s ReportThe same document also advises us that the impact on our body of loneliness is greater than smoking fifteen cigarettes a day and obesity – factors that we know shorten lives. Then what are the mental and emotional costs of our loneliness epidemic?The evidence is that loneliness due to excessive and prolonged social isolation is affecting our physical, mental, and emotional health, and not in a good way. Without a drag on a cigarette, without drinking a drop, it’s killing us before our time – a very slow death.Of course, being “alone” is not the same as suffering the deep loneliness that comes when our day-to-day reality involves much more social isolation than we like or need. And gifting ourselves regular periods of self-chosen solitude is a great way to restore and replenish our heart and soul. Sometimes, though, we can have too much of a good thing. “Everything in moderation.”<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/its_all_different_now3_0dbf72d4a0.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Gifting ourselves regular periods of self-chosen&nbsp; solitude is a great way to restore and&nbsp; replenish our heart and soul.</h4><hr>Loneliness is part of the human condition. Like sadness, grief, joy, anger, happiness, contentment. We all experience it at some point in our lives. And, yes, we can even be lonely in a crowd.The chronic deep loneliness that causes the suffering Brené Brown talks about is something else. Less obvious than anger or happiness, it may be subtle, a kind of longing. While it might cause sadness, it’s different. Something’s missing. It may be hard to put your finger on it. You feel disconnected. It’s like when the cold seeps into your bones. You barely notice it until you are completely frozen.Over the past 100 years, especially in the Western world, we’ve created physical environments that disconnect us from people.Does the place where you live or work help or hinder you in connecting with the people around you?How well do you know your colleagues and neighbors? Well enough to call in for a coffee and a pick me up chat if you’re having an off day? &nbsp;Or drop in with a bowl of soup when a neighbor who lives alone is unwell?How walkable is your neighborhood, city center, and workplace?What’s your preferred way of traveling to and from home? &nbsp;Is your only choice to get from A to B by private car? &nbsp;If so, then it’s likely you aren’t getting many chance chats with near neighbors or colleagues.Lucky you, if you’re surrounded by close friends and family. Even so, half the time, half the people may be endlessly scrolling on their phones.Whatever the cause, or causes, of our isolation and the loneliness that may flow from it, take heart. &nbsp;It’s possible to do something about it, even when that seems impossible.“Every time I enter a room, I enter alone.&nbsp; And, it becomes my job as a human being to get Connected.” —Peter BlockWhile we are all capable of connecting meaningfully, it does not happen automatically. We need to take action and create it, together. Generating an intention to be connected is critical. Then, are we up for revealing what really matters to us, sharing our vulnerabilities?Vitally, becoming deeply curious about others, paying attention to them, is the key that unlocks the door to connection. Asking questions framed to discover who another person really is, and listening to their answers without interrupting or giving advice, helps us become connected very quickly.When we are genuinely interested in others and make the time, real connection emerges naturally.Covid-19 has cast a very long shadow on our mental health and emotional well-being. Creating vital spaces where everyone belongs, connecting people and places, helps shorten that shadow.<figure class="image image-style-align-center"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/its_all_different_now4_b86424479c.jpg"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">When we are genuinely interested in others and&nbsp; make the time, real connection emerges naturally.</h4><hr>&nbsp;

It’s all different now

Mary Ng’ang’a

<h4>
 MARY NG’ANG’A
 is a psychologist and Heartfulness practitioner from Kenya. She shares her
 ideas on the importance of being natural and authentic to finding happiness.
 
</h4>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 To me, happiness is when I am in a state of “let go.” When I am easy and
 mostly blissful. Happiness is not the same as contentment based on
 achievement, but it is the same as contentment perceived as acceptance of what
 is in the “now” moment. For instance, when working from home, I may
 spontaneously start dancing to music. I feel happy, totally happy at that
 moment. When I have many uncompleted tasks, some of which may be behind
 schedule, I don’t feel content with myself, but if I perceive this dance break
 to be the “now” moment and all that there is, then I am grateful for the
 chance to dance. I am contented with how life is happening at this moment.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Happiness is when I am in a state of “let go.”
 When I am easy and mostly blissful.
 
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 There are different ways I experience happiness in my life, even though I
 don’t plan for them all. The most beautiful moments are spontaneous, totally
 unexpected. When I want to be happy, I dance or listen to music. I dance to
 move the energy within, not really to be great at technique. I also go outside
 to ground myself with my cats – I remove my socks and shoes and step onto the
 soil and grass with the cats. I really love it. The feeling of the sun on my
 skin, the endless skies, the trees … I love the trees and the greenery, the
 blue mountains. These days I wonder why I was not so outdoor-oriented before.
 I never want to go back inside. Life almost doesn’t allow me enough time out
 there. I purposely moved from an urban area to a less developed areas for
 this.&nbsp;



 Meditation creates a foundation for my happiness. I’d call it bliss. It’s
 indescribable. I am so glad I know that. It’s the first most essential thing I
 do every morning, besides taking water. It positions me differently. It gives
 me the chance to be myself throughout the day; not the ego-self that creates
 or responds to problems in a complex manner, but the me that is core to who we
 all are. Hence, I feel lighter throughout the day, in remembrance of who I
 really am.



 During the pandemic, I’ve had a lot of alone time to witness the patterns
 within me that obscure happiness. I’ve also had the chance to see how I like
 to be happy on my own. I’d say the pandemic has enabled me to understand my
 experience of happiness and allowed me room to transform my perspective of
 what happiness is. Since it has allowed me more time working from home, it has
 given me room to research spirituality, which in turn has transformed my
 understanding of what obscures happiness in me. That has equipped me with
 insights on how I can provide more room for happiness in my life.



 Fear overshadows my joy. The easiest way for me to recover is through dance.
 But the most effective way is to watch the anxiety within. One of the things
 I’ve learned is that fear comes from the ego, and the ego cannot stand
 watchfulness. So, I stop focusing on anything else, and just watch the anxiety
 in my body, the sensation, the agony of it. As I watch, it fluctuates, then
 dissipates and loses energy.&nbsp; It takes practice and a great deal of
 acceptance, but it works. It’s not the easiest way, it’s the most courageous
 way. And it’s worth it, because then I “burn” the fear instead of coating it
 with momentary happiness.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<div class="block-image">
 <figure>
 <img decoding="async" width="700" height="700" alt="" class="lazyload has-img-center"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/a_h_700x700_90e0361645.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-10T09:37:56.536Z" />
 </figure>
</div>

<hr class="vertical-space1" />


 I think more freedom would make the world a better place – freedom to be who
 we really are. I say so because that is the foundation for self-awareness, and
 self-aware people can uncover the falsehood of the ego, creating longer
 periods of happiness and living life more blissfully. I think society should
 work toward making this possible. Changing education systems to favor
 authentic expression rather than accumulating external knowledge would be a
 good start for many. Parents can do the same, raising children in a way that
 fosters authentic self-discovery and provides room for expressing the same.



 Finally, not to sound clichéd, meditation plays a great role toward authentic
 self-discovery, because meditation allows us room to be with ourselves, not
 the mind self, but the egoless self, the true self. Meditation gives us the
 experience of truth, fearlessness, and trust, allowing us to fearlessly
 create. Through creation we become authentic, which keeps us happy because
 happiness is our natural state.


<hr class="vertical-space1" />

<hr />

<h4 class="has-text-align-center">
 Meditation gives us the experience of truth,
 fearlessness, and trust,
 allowing us to fearlessly create. Through creation we become
 authentic, which keeps us happy because happiness is our natural
 state.
</h4>

<hr />

<hr class="vertical-space1" />

Authenticity and happiness

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Mary Oliver

What do you plan to do?

Mary Parker Follett

Unity through variety

Matshona is a Canadianbased philosopher, entrepreneur, and author of books such as The Little Book of Inspiration, Creativity, The Book, 50 Lessons Every Wise Mother Teaches Her Son, 100 Lessons Every Great Man Wants You to Know, and Lalibela’s Wise Man.

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Matshona Dhliwayo

<h4>MATSHONA DHLIWAYO shares his journey of discovery about the secrets of happiness, and some wisdom on how we can all lead happier lives.</h4>When I was young, I admired old people. Now that I’m old, I admire wise people. When I was a youth, I admired strong people. Now that I’m old, I admire meek people. When I was an adult, I admired wealthy people. Now that I’m old, I admire happy people.Since the beginning of time, we humans have been pursuing singular goals, and from the executive on Wall Street to the sheepherder on the rural plains of Kenya, to the stay-at-home mother in China, we have been driven by the ceaseless desire to be happy.What we eat, wear and do are expressions of our pursuit of happiness. So are the books we buy, the shows we watch, and the relationships we pursue. But if humanity has searched for it since the beginning, how come happiness is still elusive? After all, we have gone to the moon, cured fatal diseases, and made countless discoveries in every field you can think of. Knowledge undeniably has increased, but happiness has not.&nbsp;<h5 style="text-align:center;">I came to the conclusion that, as humans being composed of mind, body, and soul, we must nurture all three to achieve our highest happiness.</h5>&nbsp;<hr>This inspired my long, uncertain journey to find out the secrets to happiness. Day after day, month after month, I sat before scientists, saints and sages – intellectual and spiritual heavyweights, ancient and contemporary. Scientists said pleasure was the key, sages said relationships, saints said work and a few said self-denial. While I found truth in many of their points, after much contemplation I remembered the story of King Solomon, who according to the Bible was the wisest and richest man in history. He had all of the above, but he despaired in the end: “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” His pursuit of happiness ended miserably, as he was focused on his mind and body but at times forgot to nurture his soul. I came to the conclusion that, as humans being composed of mind, body, and soul, we must nurture all three to achieve our highest happiness.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/Mind_body_soul_cffddca5eb.jpg"> <img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/10insights_7c6c5a44a9.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-03T06:09:31.255Z">&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MATSHONA DHLIWAYO</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

Happiness

Maxime Lagacé

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Maya Angelou

How do you make people feel?

Change your attitude

Be a rainbow

Loneliness

The light within

Reaching hearts

Meenu is a Heartfulness practitioner and trainer who volunteers with the Heartfulness Education Trust in the Delhi NCR region of India, conducting programs for both faculty and students. She works in schools and colleges, sharing practices to help individuals cultivate inner peace and personal growth.

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Meenu Khurana

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MEENU KHURANA is the Heartfulness Lounge Facilitator at one of the flagship schools of&nbsp;Delhi Government, Sarvodaya School, Sector-8, Rohini, New Delhi. She manages the relationship with the school and all volunteer teams, and here shares a glimpse of the program in action.</h4>On December 12th, 2023, the new Heartfulness Lounge was inaugurated at New Delhi’s Sarvodaya School, Sector-8, Rohini. The commencement came with the blessings of Daaji, the Global Guide of Heartfulness, and the support of Mr. Himanshu Gupta, IAS, Education Secretary of Delhi, alongside Principal Mr. Awdesh Kumar Jha and Vice Principal Mrs. Bharti Kalra.The lounge currently operates three days a week (Wednesday through Friday) from 12 to 2 P.M., offering sessions for students, faculty and parents. Initially catering to students in classes 6 to 9, the program has expanded to include Heartfulness sessions for classes 11 and 12, encompassing both the <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/heartfulness-in-schools" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">HELP program</a> and introductory meditation sessions.The lounge is supported by a dedicated team of volunteers who facilitate these programs regularly. Plans are underway to host Sunday <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/how-heartfulness-meditation-shifts-our-biofield-and-the-energies-in-a-room" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">group meditation</a>s for parents, students, and teachers at the lounge.&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness2_78f35adb05.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness2.webp"></figure><hr><h3 style="text-align:justify;">Testimonials</h3>Since the opening of the Heartfulness Lounge, students have been participating in the programs conducted by the volunteers here and we have seen an increased sense of peace in the minds of those children. This reflects in their behavior as well. When there is peace in the mind, I believe that all these children will move towards success in their lives by building their own personalities. So that they can help in building a peaceful society and take the country towards progress. —Awdesh Kumar Jha, Principal&nbsp;In the lounge which has been launched by Heartfulness Institute, many things are being taught which we’ve missed in our school. Personality development courses, in which very practical topics like knowing your goal and how to achieve it, time management, power of thought, courage and self-confidence as well as connecting with oneself, etc. are taught which are useful for them as children of course, but will also prove to be very useful for their later life when they leave school.Children are very stressed at this age and face very emotional situations, so in the activities conducted in the Heartfulness Lounge, we have observed that children become more calm, their stress reduces and they are able to handle situations in a better way. We have also observed that after attending these Heartfulness courses, our children are now more confident and ready for the outside world.Thanks to the success of these courses, we have now started ‘Parvarish’ programs for parents also in collaboration with Heartfulness, the first session of which was loved by all the parents. —Bharti Kalra, Vice-Principal&nbsp;We sent the children of 11th and 12th grades, whose anxiety levels about their studies and futures had increased a lot, to the Heartfulness Lounge. The exercises that were conducted, such as relaxation and meditation, have helped develop a sense of peace as well as confidence in these children. Their focus has increased, and the hidden power within them has also come out. I have also witnessed an increased coordination in their decision-making abilities. It’s great to see how the Heartfulness Lounge has helped children develop their mind, body and soul. —Nidhi Ma’am, School Coordinator&nbsp;&nbsp;It was wonderful to experience the Heartfulness session! In just 10 minutes we felt so relaxed. In my opinion, everyone needs this. We would love to do these sessions again and again. — Parent of Sarvodaya School Student<hr><h3>Student Testimonials</h3>After regularly attending their sessions&nbsp; I noticed some positive changes in myself.&nbsp; I was able to sleep properly. —Student (Shaurya XII-B)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness3_4a43b5d8ae.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness3.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>It helps met me to know my ability,&nbsp; strength, capabillity and all those things&nbsp; which helps me to achieve my goal. —Student (Pritam XI-E)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness4_6fda5720b9.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness4.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>I was a part of the 3 day session and needless to say,&nbsp; these 3 days were more than enough for me&nbsp; to realize how just 5 minutes of meditation&nbsp; could significantly change&nbsp; the emotional course of my day. —Student (Shalvika Sharma XI-F)<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness5_9407ba9b6d.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness5.webp"><figcaption>&nbsp;</figcaption></figure><hr>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:75%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/model_school_heartfulness6_15aecd5370.webp" alt="model-school-heartfulness6.webp"></figure>&nbsp;

A model school Heartfulness lounge

Megha is a bestselling author, film script writer, passionate educator, influencer, and ardent seeker based in Mumbai.  She is the author of The Breakthrough, Thank You, Cancer, and I Inspire among others. She has been a well-loved speaker at premier institutes like The World Confluence of Spirituality and Ficci. She received a 25 most inspiring and influential women of Mumbai award by World Women Leadership, and was featured in the top 50 most influential authors of 2021 by Delhi Wire. She loves working with fellow visionary educators and spiritualists toward the upliftment of society.

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Megha Bajaj

<hr><h4>MEGHA BAJAJ tells a beautiful simple story about a monk and his disciples, and relates this to her own experiences of the power of now, the present.</h4>&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;Stories can teach in ways that only stories can teach. For days I had held a question in my mind about how I can progress on the spiritual path. Last evening, finally, the answer came with the birth of this story. Through me, and for me, this story has become a milestone. A realization has become my realization. Perhaps, it can become yours too.Years ago, when finding peace was still the most important quest for all, there lived a great Buddhist monk. High above the mountains iced by snow, and sprinkled by cherry sunrays, was his little monastery. People sought him from all over the world. The scaling heights, the brazen winds, the wild animals – nothing could stop them from flocking to the monk – for they knew he could pave the way to peace for them. However, after a few days, many got restless and left. The reason? The monk hardly spoke. He just carried on in his usual fashion. For many, this was hard to deal with.&nbsp;<hr>&nbsp;&nbsp;<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">If I can learn to do what I am doing, and immerse myself in it completely, meditation will cease to remain a part of my day. It will become a part of me. And gradually, it will become me.</h5>&nbsp;<hr><hr>The great monk had a merry laugh and a twinkle in his eye. He seemed ancient and yet just like a child. He never invited anyone and he never refused anyone, and when someone did come he made sure his home was their home. Many came, many went – but a few, a small group of eleven, stayed behind. The monk knew he had finally filtered the ‘seekers’ from the ‘questioners’. This was the group who had left everything to find peace, and they wouldn’t return knowing about peace, they would return knowing peace ! The monk did all that he needed to in a day, while the group followed around, hoping to get a cue as to how they too could be in constant blissful union with their Lord.In the evenings the monk would sit under a tree, while the group gathered around him. Some put their head in his lap and he caressed them lovingly, while others were content to just watch him from afar. The seekers asked questions and sometimes the monk would answer at length, and sometimes he would choose silence to speak. Either way, the night would rise only when all the doubts had drowned.During one of those twilights, the youngest girl in the group, Mira, asked him, “Beloved one, tell me the secret to your peace. I want to know.” Knowing that the words that would follow could change their lives the entire group moved closer. Silence fell over them as the monk replied, “When I walk, I walk.” The seekers moved closer still. They wanted to know more. They wanted to transform. Something told them that the answer would be revealed. The monk, however, spoke no more. He just sat with his eyes skywards, wondering at the stars.The seekers were disappointed. They had thought some profound, complex secret would be revealed. But no, the monk had just spoken a single sentence: When I walk, I walk. What could this mean? All of them went to sleep that night with questions chasing his words around … answers nowhere in sight.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">The beauty about this moment is that when you are in it, completely and absolutely, nothing else matters…. All that exists is the activity that you are involved in and you. Get immersed even further and nothing but the activity remains. You dissolve. And in those moments, when there is no ‘you’, what is, is. And that ‘is’ is peace!</h5>&nbsp;<hr><hr>The next day, the monk went about his day as always and the seekers followed step. As he plucked the weeds out of his tiny garden, the group helped. The monk smiled to himself as he sensed a peculiar restlessness in the air. However, no one said anything. They had already learnt that answers would come only when answers would come. Usually one amongst them would stumble upon the answer to the monk’s words and share his realization with all the others. The group would internalize it, ponder upon it, and wait until the realization became a part of them. Today, however, revelation didn’t seem to be in the mood of befriending any of them.The guru chuckled silently and asked the young girl, “Mira, what are you doing right now?” Surprised by the monk’s question, she replied, “Helping you pluck out the weeds, beloved one.” He smiled and asked, “What else?” Mira spontaneously replied, “Nothing else!” The monk asked, “Are you sure you aren’t doing anything else?” Mira thought for a minute and said, “Well, I am thinking about your words.” “And?” asked the monk mischievously. “Umm … wondering what is there for dinner tonight,” replied Mira with a giggle.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/walk2_b21969f09b.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-04T07:05:10.602Z" alt="walk2"> The monk smiled and said, “When I am plucking weeds, I am plucking weeds.” And with that he went back to doing this chore with the same intensity that he used to meditate, or eat, or watch a sunrise, or speak with them.The entire group spontaneously burst into smiles. This was the first time that they had all understood something together. Restlessness changed into excitement, and within moments, excitement became peace. The little group of twelve – one master and eleven disciples – plucked weeds as they plucked weeds, that afternoon.Ever since this story wrote itself out, the very perspective with which I look at life has changed. Queen of multi-tasking, I believed I should not waste a single moment of my life. I packed in as much as I could in every second. I watched movies while exercising. I had breakfast while reading books. I enjoyed a sunrise while chatting on the phone. At any given point I was involved in at least two or three activities … and I wondered why I wasn’t enjoying any.When I walk, I walk. So simply answered the master. Since yesterday I have been doing this. When I ate, I ate. When I was with my husband Arun, I was with Arun. When I listened to music, I listened to music. Initially it almost appeared too difficult to do just a single thing at a time. I felt restless. I felt irritated. But I didn’t give up. As I pursued a single activity long enough and gave myself to it completely, I realized something within me suddenly shifted. No longer was I living in the past or the future – rather I fell into the coveted ‘now’, the ‘as is’, the ‘present continuous’.The beauty about this moment is that when you are in it, completely and absolutely, nothing else matters. The unpaid bills, the chores for tomorrow, the aching knee, the worrisome child – in the now none of these exist. All that exists is the activity that you are involved in and you. Get immersed even further and nothing but the activity remains. You dissolve. And in those moments, when there is no ‘you’, what is, is. And that ‘is’ is peace! It sounds almost too simple to be true, doesn’t it? Too commonplace. I always believed finding peace was a treacherous, arduous, difficult process, however I now realize that it is so simple that we miss it.I always wondered what the difference was between me and a monk. Now I know. Even while meditating I am thinking, planning, scratching and wondering. A monk, even while thinking, planning, scratching and wondering is meditating. If I can learn to do what I am doing, and immerse myself in it completely, meditation will cease to remain a part of my day. It will become a part of me. And gradually, it will become me.Usually when I write it is while sipping a masala chai, chatting on Facebook and checking my mails. Today, as I write, I write. I can feel the difference. I can almost experience you sitting beside me, a friend, a fellow seeker, as together we live this message: When I walk, I walk.<hr>&nbsp;<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4>&nbsp;<hr>

When I walk , I walk

<h4>
 MEGHA BAJAJ shares a few tips on
 building healthy relationships by dealing with emotions in the right way
 and at the right time.
 </h4>
 
 There is this strange thing that many of us do in relationships. If we
 didn’t do it I believe we would have much better relationships. We
 displace our emotions from one relationship to other relationships. Does
 it sound familiar?
 
 
 Let’s say, for example, you have a husband who is very dominating. It’s
 his way or the highway, and you really don’t have much choice but to
 follow him. You have tried speaking to him, you have wept, you have done
 everything you could, but to no avail. Ultimately you resign to your
 fate and start finding ways to deal with the issues within, without
 really letting them out.
 
 
 Yet, the nature of emotions is that they are never buried dead, they are
 buried alive. You can suppress them but not for long. The pain shows up
 in your body through aches and pains or disease, and it also expresses
 itself in other relationships. These are the relationships where you
 feel the ease that the person won’t leave you, or sometimes it is with
 support staff like house help or drivers. You start behaving like the
 dominating person in your life, and project your emotions onto others to
 somehow deal with the pain. It could be your children, or your own
 parents, or anyone. The emotions from one relationship are displaced to
 another, and the people who are subjected to them have no clue why you
 are behaving the way you do – just like the way you keep wondering why
 your husband cannot be a little more empathetic.
 
 
 The problem with displacing emotions is just that – they are displaced.
 In no way does it provide a permanent solution, because somewhere you
 know that you are not doing the right thing. There is a sense of guilt,
 a sense of not feeling good enough about yourself, that hinders life
 from flowing the way it should.
 
 
 Think of some of your relationships that aren’t as beautiful as you want
 them to be. How do you deal with the negative emotions that you go
 through in those relationships? What do you do to ease yourself?
 
 
 Here are some of the positive ways I have realized to deal with the
 emotions in a dysfunctional relationship:
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 CONSISTENT COMMUNICATION
 </h4>
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 <img
 class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_2_d8c012d660.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:50:03.499Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />
 </h4>
 
 Although most of us may be communicating how we feel with the person
 concerned, we probably don’t do it consistently enough. We express, then
 let go, believing he or she won’t understand. Yet the secret to good
 relationships is consistent communication. Instead of blaming and
 saying, “You are …” say “I feel …”. When you express what you are
 feeling instead of blaming others, they are a little more open to
 listening.
 
 
 <img
 class="img-float-right has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_3_aa0bb445af.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:50:48.069Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 NATURE
 </h4>
 
 Nature absorbs negative emotions like nothing else. Taking a long walk
 in the garden or near the sea or mountains, as part of your daily life,
 is bound to help you clear your heart and mind of residual emotions so
 that they don’t form a chain and hurt others into the bargain.
 
 &nbsp;
 <h4 style="text-align: justify">
 WRITING
 </h4>
 
 <img
 class="img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/about_relationship_4_5cbfc38ab1.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-07T09:51:27.711Z"
 alt="about-relationship"
 />There is something incredibly healing about the writing process.
 Writing helps you to understand all that you are feeling. In a way it is
 your innermost core on paper and allows you to release and vent emotions
 that may be burdening your within for God alone knows how long. Writing
 letters to people who hurt you, whether or not you let them read them,
 helps you to deal with the emotions within the relationship.
 
 &nbsp;
 
 The world is in dire need of better relationships. A lot more love.
 Compassion. Whether someone is good to us or not, somehow we need to
 ensure that a lot of good flows from us to the world outside. Break the
 chain reaction and, in our own way, we will create a better world.
 
 <hr />
 <h4 style="text-align: center">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4>
 <hr />

About relationships

<h4>MEGHA BAJAJ shares some simple tips on how to develop the capacity for intuition, which can be cultivated in daily life.</h4>For as long as I can remember, I have been an intuitive person. Whether it has been choosing people to work with, or projects to undertake, intuition has helped tremendously. Intuition is nothing but a hunch, a feeling, which may not necessarily be based on facts. You see someone, and you just know they are going to play an integral role in your life. You see another person and the caution blinkers go ballistic. “Stay away, stay away,” a siren rings in your head, for no particular reason. You just know that a certain person is going to call you on a particular day. All these are instances of intuition.So while some people are highly intuitive and base much of their decision making on it, others are not. I have been asking myself: How can I make my intuition more powerful, and how can I develop it further?Some answers that I have discovered are:First, the more the mind is quiet, the more intuition works. When the mind is a drunken monkey, running helter-skelter, objectivity cannot be attained. There is so much activity going on in the mind that the whispers of intuition go unnoticed. So, to begin with, using meditation to calm the mind and prepare it to develop intuitive powers seems a must.Second, I have come to realize that when I am in a sway of emotions, intuition doesn’t work. When I have very strong likes, dislikes, intense mood swings, it becomes difficult for the faculty of intuition to guide me. Emotions are all encompassing – and when we are feeling something, it once again becomes difficult to remain neutral and to hear the intuitive mind. A calm, emotion-free mind seems to be the first step towards beginning to tap the power of intuition.Third, I believe, is openness. Sometimes what the intuitive mind is trying to tell us goes beyond our conscious mind. Say we meet someone and the conscious mind feels everything is great. The person looks fine, speaks well, and in every way seems to be a great fit for whatever it is that we are looking for. And yet, something within doesn’t seem completely “right,” or “in place.” The intuitive mind is connected to the cosmos and knows – way beyond – what the conscious mind does. So it is important for us to be open and accepting to views contrary to what seems obvious. Only with this openness, can the intuitive mind really speak to us.Last, but not least, there are some psychic ways to develop our intuitive powers. The human body has a number of chakras and the third eye chakra, the Ajna (between the eyes), is considered to be the one connected to intuition. The sound OM is associated with balancing this chakra. When we focus between the eyes and chant OM, we activate the intuition center and allow more energy to flow there.Intuition is a wonderful tool to have. It guides. It protects. Developing this could make relationships, decision-making and hence life itself a more beautiful process. I have a hunch that you are going to agree!<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHA BAJAJ</h4><hr>

Developing intuition

<h4 style="text-align:justify;">MEGHA BAJAJ is a new mother. She celebrates the life-changing joy of <a href="https://heartfulness.org/ca/humans-of-heartfulness/parenting-tips-for-the-modern-day-family/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parenting</a>, and the way the equilibrium of parental love keeps the world intact.</h4>&nbsp;<figure class="image image_resized" style="width:25%;"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting4_7fc16b030b.webp" alt="parenting4.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting4_7fc16b030b.webp 103w," sizes="100vw"></figure>&nbsp;Mom is no longer present in physical form. And I have no regrets because I feel I loved her with every breath, with every heartbeat, while she was with me. She was unwell for a few years, and I did everything for her—from combing her hair to bathing her, from rubbing oil on her back to feeding her. I feel very complete about the relationship we shared for close to four decades of my life. Truth be told, I was her softest spot and her love for me was completely biased, irrational, and divine. I carry her crazy love with me, wherever I go.The one thing I find myself often wishing (I know the irrationality of it, but as if wishes are ever rational) is that I could have told her “Thank you” after becoming a mother. Athyasaa happened to me after my mother moved on. I now value my mother even more intensely, even more poetically, and in an even more fulfilled way than ever. I wish I could tell her all I am feeling.It takes a lot to parent a child. I used to be in a different city almost every week, creating impact through WoW, my company, in every way I could. I am a flow, and I loved to be here, there, doing this, that. I would jump into anything that felt soul fulfilling. Yet here I am, for nine months of pregnancy and nine months of looking after our daughter, where I barely step out. There are one-off breaks when I really need it, and both my father and husband Arun wholeheartedly support me, along with our wonderful staff I feel blessed to have. But I can no longer just take off. You would think it would make me feel confined, but how do I express the fulfillment I feel?&nbsp;<figure class="image"><img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp" alt="parenting2.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 168w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_parenting2_b8b3058db9.webp 750w," sizes="100vw"></figure><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">We simply want to love our little ones because they are part of us— the most sacred part of us—we will leave behind.</h4><hr>It’s not about the big things, but the little things: Feeding her every meal with my own hands; planning every meeting or outing so that it’s done while she is napping. I feel that when she wakes up she should see me. Long back, I heard of a Rabindranath Tagore quote, which went something like: Love is when an infant wakes up from her afternoon nap, sees her mother, smiles, and goes back to sleep. And that’s what I want to be for Athyasaa.I read to her, though she prefers chewing books. I talk to her and she responds with coos. If she is unwell, I shed tears sometimes and she quietly holds my finger as if reassuring me that she is fine. For hours, I hold her in my lap and simply watch her sleeping face, wanting to somehow protect her even in her dreams.Arun is the most incredible dad. He simply melts watching Athyasaa and even the simplest gesture from her makes this 6’3”er giggle like a little child. They have some daddy-daughter bond that is sacred, and I simply allow them to blossom in the space they have created for themselves, which is sometimes beyond me. A man who could not function without his regular daily sleep, today waits to see his daughter’s smile and will stay up till whatever time she needs him. He’s so much softer, so much more tender, and she draws something so divine from him.I wonder why we do what we do as parents. I have never processed a single thought of what I want Athyasaa to do for me, and I am sure my parents also did not; nor you if you are a mother or father. We simply want to love our little ones because they are part of us—the most sacred part of us—we will leave behind. Athyasaa is going to be my proudest legacy, and I want the best of everything for my baby, for her to be someone who spreads bliss, love, and the abundance of all things good wherever she goes.To anyone who feels there is no love left in the world, simply sit in a park or on the beach and watch a parent with their child. The way the eyes shine, the soft smiles, the subtle pride. The feeling that here is the most beautiful part of me, in the form of my child, and I will give her or him a life far greater than I have or ever imagined. If this is not love, what is?Better still, go hold your parents’ hands and look into their eyes. Through the years of experiences, baggage, love, laughter, pain, and evolution, you will definitely find that deepest love for you shining softly forth.I believe it is this love that keeps the equilibrium of the world intact. The love that a parent feels for their child, which asks for nothing and only wishes to give everything it has.To every beautiful parent out there, thank you. How will we ever tell our children what we went through at 2 a.m. when they had fever or when we first held them? What words will we use to describe to them what we went through when those babbles suddenly became momma or daddy? All we can possibly do is smile at one another, at our shared experience of being parents and know in the deepest part of us that <a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/parenting-the-art-of-preserving" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">parenting</a> is probably one of the most purifying spiritual experiences we will ever know.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting3_1b5881b331.webp" alt="parenting3.webp" srcset="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/thumbnail_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 185w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/small_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 500w,https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/medium_parenting3_1b5881b331.webp 750w," sizes="100vw"><hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">I believe it is this love that keeps&nbsp; the equilibrium of the world intact.&nbsp; The love that a parent feels for their child,&nbsp; which asks for nothing and only wishes to give everything it has.</h4><hr>

Parenting: a purifying experience

Meghana Anand lives in the beach city of Chennai, India. She believes in tapping the hidden potential of the heart to bring out the best in her. Humanity inspires her, and through reflective writing she likes to explore the sacred depths of her being. She seeks joy and beauty in simple things.

meghana-anand-img.jpg

Meghana Anand

<h4>MEGHANA ANAND asks if we are preserving the purity, the innocence and the sense of wonder in our children as they grow.</h4><hr>A few months ago, I shared an interesting conversation with my four-year-old. I was working at my computer, when he insisted on a bowl of his favourite fruit. I was more than happy to oblige – it is not every day that your kid demands for ‘health’ instead of the usually tabooed list of ‘junk’. As I fulfilled his ‘healthy’ demand, he started nibbling away, savouring every tiny bite with a look of such contentment and glee that I was forced to pull myself away from the screen and rested back to observe him with amusement.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Parenthood has opened up new vistas of learning in my life. Rather than learning I feel it is a process of unlearning, because if I wish to reach my child in the most positive and nourishing way, I need to become as empty and as pure as he is. I should be able to see the world through his eyes, and then the best comes out of me as his mother.</h5><hr>Suddenly he stopped eating and, with a matter-of-fact look on his face, said to me, “Mommy, I love God.” His spontaneity generated an equally spontaneous reply from me. I answered, “My dear, I love God too.” I thought the dialogue would end at this. But then I was caught unawares. He promptly said, “Come, then let’s go to God.” I thought for a while and then said, “Okay, but you know the way better; so you will have to take me to Him.” Pat came the reply, “Okay, mommy, I shall take you to God tonight.”Many books have been written on the subject of parenting – more so in the current times where the definition of ‘family’ has undergone a drastic shift from togetherness to isolation. Concepts like ‘nuclear family’, ‘double income family’, ‘<a href="https://heartfulness.org/magazine/the-legacy-of-my-mother" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">single parent</a>’ etc were unheard of even a decade ago, at least in India. They constitute the modern society of today. At thirty, I seem to face a generation gap with young adults only ten years younger! As the shadow of materialism looms large over our heads, as a parent I am concerned about my child losing himself in this mad rat-race towards a destiny where ambition overrides aspiration, where prosperity is measured in terms of monetary gains and success. My own upbringing has made me realise the need for a strong character built upon the foundation of inner values to face the challenges of life in a spirit of acceptance and with conviction.Spirituality and mysticism have held a strong attraction for me since a very early age. In my quest of the mysterious and unknown, I stumbled upon a natural path of meditation based on the principles of restoring balance into our lives, in a world which is dangerously tipping towards a state of extreme imbalance. Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge, catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Walking this path I realise that parenting is an art of learning through experiences of the heart rather than mere bookish knowledge, catering to a holistic development of the child’s body, mind and soul.</h5><hr>Preserving what? I received one of the soundest pieces of advice from my mother when I was at the threshold of motherhood. She said, “Dear, remember to restore this child back to God in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him. Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.” With every passing day, these words ring louder and louder&nbsp;in my head. When I take time to pause from my ‘busy’ routine and decide to spend some quality time with my kid, I realise how empty he is. Empty of all prejudices and preconceived notions of how the world should be. He exists in the moment, and that’s it. For him there is no difference between good and bad, rich and poor, health and sickness. All he understands and responds to is the language of love – no matter who speaks it and from where it comes.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/parenting_the_art_of_preserving_8a6b37788e.jpg?updated_at=2023-03-30T12:45:44.320Z" alt="">Once I was careless enough to use the word ‘hate’ in front of him. He immediately jumped on it, “Mommy, what is hate?” I really couldn’t answer this one, for the very act of trying to explain the meaning of the word to him would be the first step towards making him aware of its verity. Why seek knowledge where ignorance is bliss? This and other such instances have made me very cautious about what is being uttered or displayed before him. In that state of emptiness with which they are born, children are like sponges, ready to soak themselves and absorb whatever they are exposed to.Another aspect that I have observed is that they learn largely by imitating and emulating. I see some of my own traits in my little son. So this puts back the onus on me. I have to first become what I want my child to become. I keep introspecting constantly to check if I, myself, posses those values that I want to see inculcated in him. Each time I am prompted to react to any mischief or an act of apparent indiscipline, I try to put myself in his shoes and get a feel of how I would like to be treated in&nbsp; that situation.<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">&nbsp;“… remember to restore this child back to God in the same pristine condition that you have received from Him. Preserve with love his purity, his innocence, his sense of wonder.”</h5><hr>When the heart is safe and sound, it acts as an inner beacon of light that guides us in our journey towards fulfilling our destinies. Inner courage and conviction develop that help us to stand against all odds. Imagine if each one of us, like the child, did not have the word ‘hate’ in our dictionaries! I mean, a world made up of such individuals would be no less than paradise. One of the most enlightening stories that I read during my school days is Leo Tolstoy’s Little Girls Wiser Than Men. Tolstoy beautifully conveys the message of following the example of the children, taking their spirit of forgiving and forgetting into our&nbsp; own hearts.As a parent I only aspire to be an example to my child; I aspire to see the world through his eyes. As I march ahead in my endeavour to preserve his innocence and wonder, I discover my true self, my real identity. This little poem by William Wordsworth says it all:<h3 style="text-align:center;">The rainbow</h3>My heart leaps up&nbsp; when I behold A rainbow in the sky: So was it when my life began; So is it now I am a man; So be it when I shall grow old, Or let me die! The Child is father of the Man; And I could wish my days to be Bound each to each by natural piety. (The Rainbow is also known as the poem, My Heart Leaps Up)<hr><h5 style="text-align:center;">Article by MEGHANA ANAND</h5><hr>

Parenting - the Art of Preserving

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<img decoding="async" class="has-img-center lazyload"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts2_48c45bd5bd.jpg" alt="gifts">
<h4>
 <hr class="vertical-space1">
</h4>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">Sunday morning, up with the lark 
 I think I’ll take a walk in the park 
 Hey, hey, hey, it’s a beautiful day!
</h4>


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My dad used to wake me up almost every morning with these lines from Daniel Boone’s
 Beautiful Sunday when I was a toddler. The sound of his humming in my ears is one of the best and last
 memories I have of being with him.

The end of the year is special in many ways. It’s time not only for festivities and
 celebrations across the world but also for deeper reflections and new beginnings. Two years ago Christmas was more
 special than usual: it opened my heart to the joy of sharing and togetherness. The sense of belonging I gained from
 reuniting with my paternal family has helped me tide over some of the deepest fears that have accompanied me since
 childhood. Ever since I’ve been rejoicing the gifts this season has brought to me.
<h4><img decoding="async" class="lazyload img-float-left has-img-center-in-mobile"
 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts3_00f6002c9b.jpg" alt="gifts" ">UNIQUENESS</h4>
My mother once told me, “There are as many universes as there are individuals.” Each of
 us has a definite role in existence; none is out of place. It is like a jigsaw puzzle: even if a single piece is
 missing or out of place, the picture is not complete.
A growing realization of this fact has helped me to resolve inner conflicts that are
 often reflected in the form of jealousy, competition, a sense of being deprived or wronged and so on. The more I
 live this understanding, the more I become open to receiving from the world around me.
<h4>TOGETHERNESS</h4>
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 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts4_46250baca8.jpg" alt="gifts"></h4>
I often like to listen to my mother-in-law’s story about how dreamy the world appeared
 to her as a little girl, from the window of her house on a rustic street in one of the suburbs of South India, until
 the day she was married.
Describing the transition she narrates, “The greatest challenge was not being able to
 attend to my individual needs and make individual decisions. I had to get along with many minds and, at the same
 time, maintain harmony among family members. The ups and downs I faced while playing the role of a mother, sister,
 aunt, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and, as time passed, now a grandmother, has shaped me in all aspects. It has
 given me the courage of conviction and strength to experience life with full acceptance. I have begun to understand
 that every situation is just a passing cloud. We learn to handle situations without being too involved.”
Living together is an art, though it may not necessarily involve staying together under
 the same roof. The joy of togetherness is reflected in small things – in the way we reach out to each other, the way
 we accept each other, the way we recognize and regard our inner oneness despite outer differences.
<h4>SERVICE</h4>
Have you ever experienced the therapeutic nature of work? It is the only thing that
 keeps me going in the lowest or most challenging phases of life. The effect or impact is even better when, in my own
 times of struggle, I forget myself and make efforts to reach out to others. It is not easy but surely worth every
 bit of the effort! It works wonders especially when you are feeling down or depressed.
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 src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/gifts5_760df86db8.jpg" alt="gifts"></h4>
<h4>THE WAY OF THE HEART</h4>
Often have I refrained from giving of myself because of fear. Fear that others may take
 advantage of me. Fear of being deprived of what rightfully belongs to me. Fear of losing my identity.
The most beautiful gift I have received this season is a reinforcement of the existence
 of the heart within. There is nothing to fear with the heart, for love is its essence. The physical throbbing heart
 is one thing, but we all have a spiritual heart capable of feeling, giving and loving infinitely. How do we discover
 it? How do we expand it? How do we live by it?
There is joy in giving. When you give infinitely, you experience happiness infinitely.
 And it’s my secret conviction that the more you give, the more you become fit and open to receiving.
As the world gears up to exchange gifts for Diwali, Thanksgiving, Milad Un Nabi,
 Hanukkah, Bodhi Day, Christmas and other traditions, I appreciate and offer thanks for the little things that make
 life so special. Please join me in celebrating this season!
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Artwork by Xuan Loc Xuan 
 <a style="color: #008080;"
 href="https://www.behance.net/xuanlocxuan">https://www.behance.net/xuanlocxuan</a>

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<h4 style="text-align: center;">Article by MEGHANA ANAND</h4>


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Gifts

<h4>In this delightful interview, BHAMINI SHREE shares her journey of expression through painting – both Madhubani folk art and abstract painting – with MEGHANA ANAND. Through art, gradually she was able to manage her depression, expand her selfexpression, and also develop her art as a career.</h4>&nbsp;<hr> Q: Hi Bhamini. Tell us about yourself. How did your journey with art begin?&nbsp;BS:&nbsp;When I was in grade 8 or 9, I was diagnosed with depression. After that I started doodling. Then, one fine day when nothing was working out and I had a lot in my head and could not express it at all, my mom gave me a canvas and colors and said, “Whatever comes to your mind, start painting.” And that is how I started. I learnt Bihari Madhubani painting from my aunt. She taught me the basics and I became interested in that. That is one part.The other part is that I have always been very vocal about what I think is right and wrong. All of us have our own understanding of what is right and wrong, and there are no fixed parameters, which is why it’s a mess. I was very vocal about women’s rights, freedom, being liberated, the equality of all genders – and I was spiritual more than religious. Right now I don’t follow any religion; I am a spiritual person. So that is what I started expressing through my art.Later I did an MBA. I thought I would never be able to pursue art as a career; that I wouldn’t be able to meet ends. How was I going to live on my own, unless I had some other form of support? The truth, according to me, is that you can’t. That’s how the condition of art is in our country right now – it’s not recognized.So I told myself, “Okay, let’s see what happens!” I did my MBA, and took a job in Hyderabad. I was still emotionally and mentally not well, and I just couldn’t express myself. In the corporate space, every day was a challenge, and I would wait to go home and paint whatever was in my head. There was so much I wanted to express.I am not good at expressing myself in words, and that was creating a lot of hindrance, because in the corporate sphere you have to behave in a certain way. It was a pressure, so I didn’t want to do it anymore. I was also passionate about fashion design, so I planned my own online boutique. That’s how I started a life as an entrepreneur.I never thought I would take up art as my sole profession; but my boutique business did not do very well, so that broke me down and I had to introspect upon what I really wanted to do with my life. After a few trials, I understood that the best thing to do is what I loved the most. And I just loved colors. I wanted to express what is right. I wanted to stand for expression in any form, in whatever way I chose. I had to express myself, otherwise it was chaotic inside my head.And as a woman I want to do something whereby, even if I am not directly leading people or changing their lives, I still create some change through my art. So right now I bring out the perspectives of women, the viewpoints of women, through abstract painting. Basically I use two forms of painting: one is abstract painting, and the second is Madhubani painting.Madhubani is because I am from Bihar, and I really like the colors in Madhubani paintings. Without a word they speak so much. It’s just beautiful. If your entire room is white and you have just one Madhubani painting on the wall, it brings color to the entire room and says so much. And the deities in the paintings are not to be worshipped, they are to be adored, which is why I really like this form of art.In the abstract expressions, the major themes are about the mind, the soul, and how women see the world. I am not objectifying womanhood, but painting strong women, and who they are. So even if I paint nudity, it’s not about showing a sex object. It’s about the confidence and the freedom she feels in being a woman. We are true beings when we don’t cover ourselves. Clothes are a symbol of covering, so when there are no clothes that’s who she is. She’s fat, she’s slim, she’s fair, she’s dark, she’s a woman and she’s beautiful.I also paint the mind because I’ve experienced the way the mind works very closely. It can be chaotic; it can be beautiful.Q: This makes a lot of sense in today’s times, especially when young people are struggling to express their minds and hearts. How did your art help you come out of the state of depression that you were in during your teens? How did you find your way in life?BS:&nbsp;When we go through a mental ailment of any sort, we usually talk to psychiatrists or psychologists because we just don’t know what’s happening inside. It’s so suffocating that we can’t think, we can’t talk, we can’t be ourselves, we can’t do our daily conduct.There are a lot of things that art opens us to. The first is the choice of colors. When we paint, the colors that we choose show our current state of mind. When I am extremely angry, I would rather paint something related to fire, something blank, or something which may not necessarily be very vibrant but shows my state of mind. When I paint only because I am in the mood for painting, when I paint because I am happy and have nothing else to do, I paint something bluish. When I am creative and I think I have a lot of ideas, I paint something orange-ish, golden and purple also – a lot more colors. So the choice of colors in painting shows my state of mind.Art is infinite. Expression in the form of lines, in the form of squares, in the form of just eyes or just lips, or books, or the empty road, or a tree, or the sun, or fire, or the flow of the river, or just a woman, or the relationship between two women – expression can be anything. So when you are able to express yourself to the other, and hear the other being, it becomes your canvas. That’s your shoulder.<img src="https://cdn-prod-static.heartfulness.org/expressions2_67a1fcf6ee.jpg?updated_at=2023-04-05T06:47:20.121Z">When you’re able to express it, the pressure inside your brain subsides to some extent. Bit by bit it comes down, because it’s all about the fact that you can’t say what you want to say. You don’t know what’s there inside and you need somebody to help you out. And when you know what’s happening inside you, you are capable and strong enough to take care of yourself.In the olden days, too, there might have been people undergoing depression. But when there were no psychologists or doctors to help them come out of that state, how were they able to do it? So it’s all in the mind – the strength, the weakness, the fragility, the vulnerability – it’s all about the mind. It’s all about training your mind.So art is one way to deal with depression or any kind of mental ailment, even loneliness. In fact, for elderly people, if their eyesight is good, I would recommend them to be involved in art, because it gives them company in their lonely times. The elderly are the loneliest people on earth today. So they have something to look forward to, they can talk to the painting. Paintings can really talk to you. They show you a mirror and talk to you.When you paint folk art, like Madhubani, it requires a lot of perseverance, a lot of patience, so you have to be calm and patient and let go. If there are slight flaws, you need to remain calm and say to yourself, “There is still hope. I can improvise this painting later.” So gradually, with due practice, it proves to be a very good form of meditation.In fact I have noticed that when my mind is blocked and there is nothing coming up, when I sit down to paint, it calms me down. It gives me a lot of space and time to think, and I don’t act weirdly or abnormally at that time. I am quiet, I am calm, and I train my brain that way. I may not consciously do this, but subconsciously this is how it happens.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Interviewed by MEGHANA ANAND</h4><hr>

Expressions - part 1

Melanie Philippides

<h4>MELANIE PHILIPPIDES inspires us to listen to our hearts and follow the body’s innate wisdom about what foods it needs and what it doesn’t need.</h4>There is so much information available at our fingertips to guide us towards healing, but there are also so many diets out there that it is often hard to discern which one is right for you. So here are some tips:<h5>ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR BODY</h5>Your body has its own innate wisdom about what foods you should, and shouldn’t eat right now. No one – no doctor, no physician, no therapist – knows you better than you know yourself. You have an infinite source of knowledge within you that is easily accessible. Practicing meditation and being mindful is key: when we quiet our minds, we can listen to what our instincts are telling us about the food we are putting in our mouths. Take a moment to be still and ask yourself what foods are right for you, right now. Being mindful also helps us to realize what our true cravings are, whether they are helping us or whether these cravings just fulfill an ego-driven desire for comfort.<h5>LET LABELS GUIDE YOU BUT NOT DEFINE YOU</h5>Try not to fall into the trap of letting your diet define who you are. The cells in our body are always dying and regenerating. Our bodies are always changing. So it makes sense that at different times in our lives we may need different foods. If you are guided to a certain way of eating, whether it is vegetarian, vegan, paleo, raw food etc., be mindful of how you feel with this new lifestyle and also be mindful of when it is time to change.<h5>THE BIGGEST RISKS HAVE THE BIGGEST PAY OFFS</h5>It is easy to just add certain foods to your diet in the hope that it will make all the difference, but the optimal diet for you may require you to let go of things that are stopping you from being well. Your health will only go so far if you keep adding things, without removing what is causing the problem in the first place. So listen not only to what your body needs to eat, but also what you need to let go of. Trust that the biggest risks have the biggest pay offs. Seeing change as hard will make it hard. Learn to view change as easy and exciting and it will be. Change your thoughts; change your world.<h5>EAT WITH LOVE FOR YOURSELF. EXERCISE WITH LOVE FOR YOURSELF</h5>The energy of love is so powerful that it can overcome the fear of change. When you truly learn to love yourself, you will naturally be guided towards eating for longevity and for optimal health, and your outward appearance will reflect this. You will be at the weight that is best for you. You will look your best. That is because your body will be nourished, and it will show. You know what’s best.Disclaimer: This is the opinion of the author, and is not a substitute for medical guidance when required.<hr><h4 style="text-align:center;">Article by MELANIE PHILIPPIDES</h4><hr>

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